The Cold – A Tragedy in Three Acts

Act I

The Ever-Suffering Mother isn’t suffering quite so much. She has a lifetime supply of peanut M&Ms in the cupboard, a loving husband (who buys her M&Ms) and a darling daughter, and lots of writing time during the day. But by the endof Act I, she develops a sore throat. This can’t be good.

Act II

Like any valiant heroine, she attempts to help herself through lots of naps, liquids (milkshakes count, right?), and more naps. (Medication is, given her pregnancy, pretty much out of the question. Further helping us define the meaning of “suffering.”)

Despite her valiant efforts, the sore throat has grown into a Sore Throat of Doom.

By the end of Act II the sore throat has gone away (hooray!) only to be replaced by copious amounts of snot. Act II is plagued with phegmatic and lethargic dialogue, lots of adenoidal voice-overs, mouth-breathing, and we’ll throw the World’s Shortest Rejection Time on a Short Story in there as a subplot (5 hours 11 minutes).


In Act III, the Ever-Suffering Mother overcomes the rejection, but not the snot, and the Cold replays itself for other beloved members of her family, compounding its effects through sleeplessness, irritability, and general malaise.

The End.


  1. readingisdelicious · January 25, 2012

    Ewww, you get better soon! I can’t breathe today either, but that’s mostly because of the stupid cooking with onions thing I suffer from.

    • Beth Hull · January 25, 2012

      It would be a blessing, I think, to not smell the onions.

  2. Trina · January 25, 2012

    I see you took home the same school souvenir we got!

    I don’t have the lifetime supply of peanut M&Ms, though, and now I want them. I blame you. I know who to stick up in carline today.

    Hope you’re all feeling better soon!

  3. PB Rippey · January 25, 2012

    Yes, peanut M&M’s–brilliant!!! Sorry about the subplot outcome. More peanut M&M’s!!! We seem to finally be over our sicknesses, but the malaise lingers. Here’s to good health lingering for a change (and peanut you-know-whats).

  4. Beth Hull · January 25, 2012

    Trina, I will gladly share peanut M&Ms with you!

    PB, yeah, the subplot sucks. But my skin’s getting thicker! Or maybe that armor is made out of…oh wait, yes it is. Snot. 🙂

  5. Vic · February 16, 2012

    Another bleh – pregger colds stink – I always opted for sticking my face over a hot bowl of steam with a towel over my head for relief. I was told Tylenol products were “allowable” if things got too severe…but not sure if that’s still the case in today’s land of meds. Hope that’s your last one for a long while!!

    • Beth Hull · February 16, 2012

      I hope so, too, Vic! When I was pregnant with Z, Tylenol was still okay. Not sure anymore, though. Thankfully, that last cold wasn’t too severe, and I think (knock on wood!) that I escaped getting Z’s strep throat last week. Phew!

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