Writing

Random Bits

Posted on by Beth Hull

No energy – sick with a cold. So let’s do a Friday Five.

  1. Z’s Great Grey Owl costume turned out really well! Husband did the feathers for the mask, I did hours of sewing for the cape o’ feathers, and she absolutely loved it. I absolutely loved sneaking chocolate from her Halloween bag. Will post a how-to-make-an-owl-costume some other time.
  2. I’ve got a Fabulous Support Network re-reading le manuscript, but already I’ve found Flaws In The Middle. I really shouldn’t read books on craft when I’m trying to finish a project. One of the chapters in Donald Maass’s The Fire in Fiction covers what he calls the “saggy middle.” No, he better not be talking about my tummy. The problem with middle scenes is that the main character tends to go through the story, and these middle scenes, especially, without a clear goal or inner or outer turning points. Now angry at the world and frantically revising.
  3. I need a really good book to read. Fiction, nonfiction, YA, adult – doesn’t matter. But I need something to suck me in, and fiction usually does the job better than non, for me. Preferably something short. Recommendations?
  4. Have I mentioned I’m sick? Murphy’s Law must govern preschool schedules, because the week I get sick is the week Z has two days off of school. So now I’ve got to keep her busy all day long. We’ve been doing special art projects. We made a paper chain for Thanksgiving, and I got her a bunch of fall-themed foam stickers so she’s making more Thanksgiving decorations. Also, at her school they give them those perler beads that the child puts on a plastic peg board, and then the theory is that the adult will unearth her iron and iron the plastic beads so they stick together to make a fun, bright shape for everyone to enjoy.
  5. Finally, on the subject of school. Z really wants to go for the full day. She’s been going for half-days, so we promised to talk to her teacher about it at the parent-teacher conference, which was today. Her teacher recommended starting on Monday! As in, three days from now. I’d thought there would be hemming and hawing, and we’d start her full-time maybe in January, giving us all a lot of time to get used to the idea. But Z wants to go now, and her teacher sees no reason not to. Plus in the coming weeks there will be lots of breaks for the holidays, and supposedly this will make the transition easier. Part of me is overjoyed at the prospect of so much time to myself before the baby comes, and a part of me is weeping, “She’s growing up so fast!” But that second part is mostly quiet, especially when I have a headache and a cold and all I want to do is take a nap that lasts until March.

That’s all! Happy Friday!

Writerly Rambles (Obsession Styles of the Poor & Obscure)

Posted on by Beth Hull

Now that I’ve tightened le manuscript (as in, deleted roughly 5,000 words simply from eliminating needless dialogue tags and instances where one character “looks,” “glances,” or “sees” another), and I’ve read it over and don’t know what the heck else to do with it, I’ve got to get another pair of eyes on it…again.

For some reason I’m finding this harder the second time around.

So I’m reading it again. Taking out more words. And worrying about the following things:

  • Will anyone actually like this main character?
  • How’s the pacing? I’m bored in places, but I’ve read them dozens of times, so is it just me, or my lackluster plot?
  • Does my main character have enough interiority? (for some excellent posts on this, go to Katherine Longshore’s post at the YA Muses, and Mary Kole’s on Kidlit)
  • Is the leading dude enough of a heart-throb?
  • Does the “woe is me I’m so hopeless about everything” section drag on too long?
  • Am I ever going to convince certain members of my critique group that dropping the prologue is in the story’s best interest?
  • Will anyone who read it the first time like the changes I made? Or will they grumpily say, “Why didn’t you change X? Why did you change Y? Why did I bother giving you advice last time when you followed it in such a shoddy way?”
  • Is this story anything anyone will ever want to read?
  • Maybe I should go tinker with software to make a book trailer, even though I don’t have a book yet.
  • Is it time for me to just get a job already? Possibly creating book trailers for the successful writers out there?

The Monster, Part 3 (and The End!)

Posted on by Beth Hull

For Part 1, click here. For Part 2, click here.

The Monster

Kimberly heard someone behind her. She turned around quickly, just in time to see the sorceress pointing her wand at James and chanting in a foreign language.1 Kimberly had no time to think. “Noooooo!” she wailed, then took up a handful of dirt from the hard-packed earth,2 hurling it at the twisted face of the sorceress.

  1. Wow, this is so much easier than the entire theory of magic I created for my current manuscript. Wand, foreign language, boom. Sorcery.
  2. I’d imagine it would be rather difficult to pick up an entire handful of dirt from hard-packed earth. Just sayin’.

By an invisible and powerfully strong force, Kimberly was pushed to the ground. There she lay, unconscious and still.

Kimberly awoke, startled to see James’1 handsome face directly above her own. A cold wash cloth was being pressed against her forehead.2 “Kimberly, are you all right?” James asked tenderly,3 brushing her hair away from her face.4

  1. I think we already discussed the James’/James’s issue.
  2. We haven’t, however, talked about passive voice. “Was being pressed” is totally awkward, and leaves out any agent doing the pressing. Of course, we can guess it’s James pressing the wash cloth, but why not just say so?
  3. And I KNOW we’ve talked about adverbs.
  4. Also, we’re missing the entire, huge problem with this story. The old “Oh, I got knocked out, WTF happened while I was in my Victorian swoon?” (As much as I loved The Hunger Games, Katniss does this a few too many times in the third book.)

“James, I – I didn’t think you could come,” she said dramatically.1 “I knew you were mad; I thought I was doomed.”

“I would never leave you to die. I’ll never be that angry.”

“So what happened?”

“You distracted the witch for me, then I had the chance to kill the monster, then I fought the witch and killed her too. But when you threw the sand in her eyes, she aimed her wand at you instead. That’s why you got hurt.”2

“Thanks, James, for saving me.” Kimberly reached forward and kissed him gratefully on the cheek.

“No, Kimberly, I couldn’t have done it without you.”3

James cradled Kimberly in his arms for a moment, then picked her up and carried her away from the woods and the evil memories that remained there. They would make up. They always did.4

  1. Dramatically. Seriously.
  2. This entire recount seems to be out of order.
  3. Despite the cheesy dialogue, I must congratulate my teen self on how I did not overuse dialogue tags in this section. We know who’s talking, so why add “he said, she said”? Something I should have kept in mind for my current manuscript.
  4. I thought they already made up? Or is this referring to their big college argument that never got resolved? That must be it. Well, luckily I don’t think anybody cares how they solve that problem.

And thus ends our journey into this endearingly short romance. (Indeed, its brevity may be the only thing in its favor.)

The Monster, Part 2

Posted on by Beth Hull

Yes, I will beat a dead horse. For the first installment of this scintillating poetastic series, click here.

The Monster, Part Dos

She could smell it’s1 breath, the crude stench lingering as the monster went back to the hole it slept in. It lied2 down and began snoring once more. What the heck is going on? Kimberly wondered. But she didn’t mind. The longer the monster slept, the more time James would have to realize what a moron he was and would come looking for her.3

  1. Again, ITS, not it’s.
  2. The past tense of lie, as in, “to lie down,” is lay.
  3. I’m not getting a clear picture of how Kimberly is tied right now, and why she isn’t struggling more. I am wondering who the real moron is in this story.

Frantically, Kimberly looked around, taking in her surroundings as she did so.1 What if James was too angry this time, and didn’t come back for her? He knew she couldn’t find her way around in the woods, but right now he was probably too angry to care.2

  1. What else is she doing as she looks around? Not taking in her surroundings?
  2. James sounds like an Edwardian (of the Twilight, not the era) jerk. Perhaps the monster sparkles a little, and Kimberly can fall in love with the monster instead?

Kimberly decided that she couldn’t always depend on James.1 Sure, he had gotten her out of many tough situations,2 but right now he was being senseless. Kimberly looked around for a weapon. Naturally, there weren’t any nearby. After all, sorcerers aren’t widely known for their moronic stupidity.3

  1. Yes, yes, and thrice yes!
  2. Have there been other supernatural encounters? Or by “tough situations” does she mean how she forgot her homework, or got locked out of the house?
  3. And that’s it, she just stops looking? Sorcerers might not be stupid, but they should have some kind of hubris, like pride, that causes them to overlook things that resourceful heroines can find so the heroines don’t have to depend on jerk boyfriends to come and save them like a god from the machine.

Then, all of a sudden, Kimberly heard the sorceress shouting angrily at something or someone out in front of the house. Could it be? Yes it was! It was James!1 “James!” Kimberly cried out desperately.2 “James! James! Back here!”

  1. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no! It’s horrible writing!
  2. Watch those adverbs, sistah.

As if in a nightmare,1 the monster awoke. It looked around hungrily, then it’s evil gray eyes rested on Kimberly. Terrified, Kimberly was quiet. She no longer heard anything but silence.2 Had the sorceress gotten James, too? But then the monster lifted up its snout, sniffing the air. James bounded out of nowhere,3 tackling the vicious monster.4 The monster wailed in surprise, then began bucking and jumping, trying to throw James off its back.5

  1. Whose nightmare? This is my nightmare.
  2. Here’s something I read somewhere – that even in silence, you can hear noises. If nothing else, the sound of your own breathing. Or maybe there’s the wind in the trees, or the hum of the refrigerator. Any of these things is more interesting than absolute silence. Besides. You can’t hear silence, can you?
  3. Nowhere? Like a wyrm hole or something? Something magic?! A nice twist would be if James were the sorceress. A little cross-dressing, a little dissociative identity disorder….
  4. Swoon! My hero!
  5. I feel sorry for the monster. It didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just doing its monsterly things.

And thus ends the second installment of “The Monster.” Next week, we’ll finish the story.

After that, I have a vampire story I wrote in high school. I think it’s even more embarrassing than this one.

NiFtY Author Stephen Brayton

Posted on by Beth Hull

Stephen Brayton is the author of mystery novels Night Shadows and Beta. He also rocks the taekwondo scene.

BH: Stephen, thanks for visiting us today! What’s your one-paragraph pitch for your latest book, Beta?

SB: There’s this time traveling guy who flits around the universe in a British police call box. Usually he has a beautiful companion…wait, that’s the premise of one of my favorite TV shows. Let me try again.

Private Investigator Mallory Petersen, a fourth degree black belt with her own taekwondo school in Des Moines, Iowa, splits her time between teaching martial arts and her often inane cases. When she accepts a case to find Cheryl McGee’s kidnapped eight year old daughter, Mallory is pulled into the dark underworld of child pornography. The trail soon leads to the Quad Cities, where Mallory partners with an officer from the Special Case Squad. Mallory discovers that there’s more to the girl’s disappearance than her client let on. Adult readers will find grave issues tempered by humorous scenes.

BH: I notice one of your previous books, Night Shadows, is only available in eBook form, and I have some writer friends currently exploring publishing their manuscripts as eBooks. Can you tell us what influenced your decision to publish Night Shadows as an eBook?

SB: What influenced me? Two huge guys in black suits who slammed me against the wall, wrenched my arms behind my back, and told in calm but raspy voice that if I didn’t do as they asked, then bad things were going to happen to my collection of Batman comic books. Well, what else was I supposed to do?

Actually both books are eBooks. When I contracted with Echelon Press, they mentioned all new authors start with eBook format.

BH: You’re involved in Taekwondo – you’ve even got your own academy (click here to visit that site). How does your martial arts experience relate to your writing…or do you try to keep the two separate?

SB: Do you want to know about my experience getting knocked out at a tournament or the time I took on five guys one night outside a local bar? Oops, sorry I was dreaming there for a second. Actually I did get knocked out once, but I don’t think I suffered too many after effects. I’m sorry, what was the question? My favorite ice cream?

In Beta, I have Mallory Petersen use a lot of the skills I’ve practiced over the years. The challenge was to come up with different techniques she can use so the reader isn’t always getting the same front kick or punch. So I had to devise various scenarios where she can show off.

BH: What are you currently working on? Can you share any details?

SB: Does working on my tan count? You probably don’t care about the details. Oh, you mean writing projects.

I’ve started on a few different stories. I’m stalled in the sequel to Night Shadows trying to determine the direction of the story. The next Petersen story is finished so I’m gathering ideas for the third book. I’m also working on a thriller with a woman who uses Army Ranger skills to survive in the woods after being attacked by four men. I’ve also started (and don’t let it be passed around too much else my reputation will be totally shot. Lol) a romance. I’m hoping to collaborate with another author on this one.

BH: Which of your characters do you think is the most like you, and why?

SB: Mallory. Yes, she’s a woman, better looking, and way more talented, but she has a cool sense of humor, is intelligent, caring, and dedicated to her jobs.

BH: What does your workspace look like?

SB: Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, I do very little writing at home. I usually wait until I go to work. Since I work the graveyard shift, I rarely see anybody and I have a lot of free hours. So I’ll sit behind the desk or out in the lobby with either a notepad or the laptop. It’s quiet except when I turn on the classical music station and I’m usually not distracted by too much activity.

BH: What is your favorite book on the craft of writing?

SB: Any Dr. Seuss book. Especially Green Eggs and Ham. Awesome book.

Seriously, I tap into Todd Stone’s Novelist Boot Camp. It’s helped tremendously when I go through the editing phase.

BH: What is the best writing advice anyone has given you?

SB:  “Take a hike, loser, you bother me.” Oh, wait, that was what the last girl said when I asked her to dinner.  Then she proceeded to…well, we won’t get into that right now.

I think my Dad has helped me a lot. He encouraged me to keep up the writing. Also, when I’ve needed assistance, he’s told me I can pay him back “When I’m a rich and famous author.” Words like those that have kept me persevering.

BH: Stephen, thanks for visiting today! Everyone else, for more information on Stephen and his books, check out his website here, and his blog here. You can buy Night Shadows by going here. He’s also on Facebook and Twitter.

Note for weekend commenters: I’m out of town until Sunday evening, and won’t be able to moderate comments until then. This means if you’re a first-time commenter, your comment won’t show up until Sunday or Monday. Thanks for your patience!