decorating

Deck the Halls with Easter Bunnies

Posted on by Beth Hull

Breaking News: THE EASTER BOX IS FINALLY BACK IN THE ATTIC.

I’m not a big decorator for the holidays, for two reasons: 1) I’m lazy, and 2) We have too much stuff.

Here’s how our decoration cycle for Christmas goes, in ten easy steps.

1. Find empty box or unobtrusive corner.

2. Clear surfaces (i.e. tables, shelves, television altar, piano(s), mantels, dressers, and possibly bathroom counters) of knick knacks & assorted piles of books, papers, and toys.

3. Pack knick knacks etc. into box or stack into the unobtrusive corner.

4. Dust surfaces.

5. Send Homes on spelunking expedition into garage or attic to retrieve Christmas decoration boxes.

6. Set out Christmas decorations (approximately 3.3 days before Christmas)

7. Approximately 2.65 months after Christmas, clear surfaces of decorations and locate empty boxes to pack them into. If necessary, purchase more plastic boxes and feel guilty for a little while.

8a. By this point, new knick knacks etc. have crowded onto surfaces, so

8b. don’t bother dusting, and

8c. leave other knick knacks etc. in box or unobtrusive corner.

9. Approximately 4.89 months after Christmas, send Homes on mission to return Christmas boxes to attic or garage.

10. Congratulate self on a job well done.

Welcome to my Crib

Posted on by Beth Hull

33 weeks pregnant.

[No image to share. Imagine, if you will, a bloated sea mammal.]

We’ve got the crib.

Yup, that's my storyboard tucked inside. I promise to move it before the baby comes.

Now it just needs a room.

What? The view from here is great! Kitchen in one direction, living room in the other, and BOOM. Books.

Perfect view for a budding bibliophile.

It’s a longer story than that, but I’ll try to make it short because honestly, I need a donut. Homes put the crib together in the living room because our teeny bedroom doesn’t have enough space for putting furniture together. And now the crib won’t fit through the doorway. Even with the door taken off. So here it rests, in the middle of this room-without-a-name (I call it the Third Room, but it is essentially a very wide hallway with books), until we rearrange the bedroom to make space for (re)assembling the crib.

Oh yeah, and the place where we were going to put it in our bedroom? It would give us approximately eleven inches to squeeze between it and our bed in order to reach the bathroom.

I purposefully bought a cheapie small IKEA crib because I didn’t want a freaking monstrosity taking up the nonexistent space in my house! (!!!!!!!!!!) (Yes, those are optional exclamation points. This way you can hear me shouting that sentence, or, if your ears are feeling strong, shrieking it while I grip the lapels of someone responsible and shake them until something changes or I collapse into either a) a coughing fit (yes I have another cold) or b) a set of false contractions.)

Ahem.

I better get me that donut, and fast.

For Sale: Lovely Maroon Curtains – CHEAP

Posted on by Beth Hull

Photographs were taken. Dances were danced. Phone calls were made. Television crews filmed, newscasters reported. (Well, not really on the filming or news reports. But they should have.)

The maroon curtains are down. Dismantled. An ugly memory.

Excuse me, I’m feeling a little emotional here.

Because not only are the curtains a pile of excreted maroon on the living room floor, but the living room walls are GREEN.  (A happy green, not a mental institution green…except in artificial light. But we have other rooms to hang out in after dark.)

Yup, curtains came down, I painted my little heart out, and voila! I’m not embarrassed when people come to my house anymore!

Does anyone know a blue whale who needs a maroon ball gown?

(For last week’s post, “Marooned,” click here.)

Mommy’s Christmas Sweatshop

Posted on by Beth Hull

“If you don’t put another bead on that ornament, I’m taking the beads away!”

Nothing like threats to really foster that Christmas spirit. To my credit, she asks to do the craft

Zs Homemade Orna-na-ments

project. “Oh!” she says. “I want to make another orna-na-ment.” To her credit, she’s two. After threading five or six pony beads on a pipe cleaner, she’s ready to move on to lining up rubber duckies or arranging an elaborate dinner for her stuffed gecko.

To my credit, I have festive Christmas music playing in the background. To her credit, yesterday was the first clear day after a handful of rainy ones, and sitting still didn’t sound fun.

To my credit, I’m aiming for Christmas to be about giving, not just receiving…even though I’ve dropped countless hints about the Laptop O’ Dreams. To Z’s credit, I don’t think she quite understands the concept of a Christmas deadline (after all, she doesn’t have an email inbox full of reminders and coupons ominously counting down to the Big Day).

To the relief of both of us, we can always take a break from beading. There are all sorts of additional holiday tasks readily adaptable to a two-year-old’s capabilities and temperament. So far I’ve had her put stickers on the Christmas card envelopes, sweep fallen needles from under the Christmas tree, and help with house cleaning before family comes. Soon she’ll be stirring dough for Christmas cookies and helping me wrap presents!

The best part of this is: these Christmas “chores” are fun anyway, and they’re even more fun when I view them through the eyes of my daughter.