The Social Media Existential Balancing Angst of Flailing and Pondering and Sometimes Missing Stuff

A few weeks ago, I took a hiatus from social media thingies. It was refreshing. I had more time to do other stuff.

Here’s the thing, though – I missed out on stuff, too. Probably a lot of stuff. The silver lining is I’ll never know what stuff I missed out on.

I’d love to know how other people balance their stuff. For example, how much time does a writer mom of young children spend on Twitter and Facebook, on average? How does she manage social media and writing time? What about other busy people? How do they achieve balance (or something close to it)?

For awhile I tried popping in to Twitter and Facebook, with the idea I’d do just fifteen minutes a day. Fifteen minutes isn’t much, is it? But then I’d stay signed in, and check in again at a later point that same day, and suddenly I’d have spent thirty extra minutes doing, in effect, NOTHING (I think we’ve all had this experience). Or, if I asked a question on Twitter, someone would respond, and I’d want to respond to their response, and then I’d get a new follower and revisit the site just to follow them back (if they were deserving and not relentless self-promoters). And before I knew it, I’d have gained a follower but lost fifteen more writing minutes because there was a really cool conversation going on and I wanted to find out more.

What if I gave myself Twitter Tuesdays and Facebook Fridays? And I just check in on those days?

What if I just…stop?

Then there’s the “I’m a writer and so I must have an online presence” issue. A blog is probably enough. (But Twitter can be pretty fun.) (And Facebook is the only connection I have to certain friends, family, and colleagues, and it’s the gateway to some cool groups of people.)

I really don’t know what to do. I love writing. I also love participating in conversations online. I also love paying attention to my family. And there’s only so much time.

SUGGESTIONS WELCOME.

PS: the flying whale drawing has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I just drew it awhile (awhale?! hahahahaha) back and like it. That’s all. Really. Unless you want to work some cool psychoanalysis on it. In which case, do share!

Internet Blackout 2011, Part Dos

…a continuation of Wednesday’s post, plus a quick reflection.

diary + manuscript = obsession

Day 5. Only two pages of obsessing about writing, and my bad mood: But if I do feel like crap because of issues in my writing, does that make me a bad person? Can I just blame the stinkin’ wind & call it not-my-fault?

Day 6. I’ve decided my email limitation challenge thingie is sort of stupid. It’s extremely inconvenient when it comes to planning outings & events.

+ 10.5 pages of manuscript-obsession-drama.

To a critique partner & friend I wrote, “This is dumber than the No-Chocolate Challenge of 1999!” (Yes, my friend A & I both did this. It wasn’t really dumb, just kind of annoying once I realized I could get through the year without chocolate.)

Day 7. I have some hours to myself! Yay! I keep getting stuck, though [again, sigh, I am writing about writing TBC]. Right now is when my email & blog ban really helps – otherwise I’d be emailing & blogging right now.

——

Earth's Crammed...with obsessing over my manuscript.

Why are you doing this?! people wanted to know. I couldn’t really tell them. Before the challenge began, I hypothesized and dreamed that it would magically make me prettier, make me happier, and make me lose me ten pounds.

None of the above. Well, maybe I was a little prettier. My eyes weren’t as red from staring at a glowing screen for so many hours each day. And maybe I was even a little happier, as I was spending more time with friends and family, and got oodles of work done on my manuscript. But the weight loss? No way. Because with some of my newly-freed-up free time, I baked. We eat what we bake, in this house.

Overall, limiting email to an hour on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday freed up some time. Not writing blog posts freed up even more time. I got tons of work (and obsessing) done for TBC and felt really good about that. The other side of the story is that not checking email on certain days was kind of pointless, especially with my being so strict about it. I should have broken my email ban to confirm my meeting with the preschool director, for example.

Will I change anything as a result of this experiment? I’m thinking rather than give myself a LAW about when I can and can’t work online, I could try to limit my visits to a couple of times a day during the week. That way I can take care of basic planning with friends and colleagues, and on weekends I’ll stillĀ  get that family time I so enjoyed. And in the future when I really need those extra hours for writing, I can always take a little vacation from my blog.

ETA: Just read a great blog post featured on Freshly Pressed about another writer reflecting on technology’s impact on her writing time management.

Internet Blackout 2011, Part 1

What did I learn from severely limiting my time online? I’m still unsure. Perhaps on Friday, when I finish this post, I’ll have some answers for myself. I mean, really, I haven’t had much time to reflect, what with all the email checking I’ve been doing lately.

Here are some notes from my diary (diary quotes in purple, my witty and amazing comments the usual gray/black):

Day 1. As soon as I fired up my laptop, the mouse hovered over the Firefox icon, but with a great push of willpower I moved it over to the Microsoft Word icon. So proud of myself.

Right now I’m thinking, yes, I can totally do this. I’m a little worried that there could be urgent emails waiting in my inbox, but really, I’m not the president. I’m not in charge of anything. So I’m a little itchy-twitchy about not getting to check, but at least I’m rational about it (so far).

Besides: I used Z’s entire two-hour nap to work on TBC (The Black City…the title of my, ahem, manuscript). Got the ward thing all figured out, made some little edits. It feels good. And today felt more like a family day. We didn’t do anything special, since Z has a cold, but we hung out all together on the couch after her nap, instead of me rushing off to check email.

Email. Email & my website – those are the two time-sucking culprits. Facebook can take time, but I don’t honestly enjoy it, especially not posting about myself – isn’t that what my blog is for? It’s fun to check up on other people, but I’m usually not on for longer than twenty minutes, & only every couple of days. My Twitter visits are much shorter. If I’m honest I’ll admit that Twitter’s a little intimidating. Intwitteridating?

Anyway, loved my day offline. But I’ve already got a list of email priorities, so I don’t waste time once I finally sign on.

Day 2. Printed out manuscript. Nothing in my diary about internet black-out because I was too busy making manic predictions of how this is the novel that will hit it big. (I am embarrassed to admit this here, which is why you get only summary.)

Day 3. A dream I had – I accidentally checked my email, breaking my hiatus. I was really upset about it in the dream. Then in real life, I had to email a note to P about the potluck, asking her what to bring! I didn’t have her phone number! Husband said it was okay. In my defense, I started drafting a message on paper and was going to make him sign into my email and type it up.

Signing in and seeing all those emails waiting for me (yes, most of them Freecycle) – and then not clicking on them! Difficult. There were two that looked especially interesting. Damn.

Day 4. Here I gripe about the wind (I REALLY HATE THE WIND). I wrote a random poem:

Very few things
disgust me more
than a stuffed animal fallen
on our bathroom floor.

MOVE OVER, W. S. MERWIN. I also complain about how sucky my manuscript is. Honestly, my feelings about it change constantly. What’s the Hamlet quote? I think it goes, “I am but in love with my manuscript north-north-west. When the wind is southerly, I know a piece of crap when I see one.”

I checked email yesterday! Yes! I was supposed to do only one session – at least, that had been my aim, but with the schmooze at P’s & uploading files for the Writer’s Group, I needed both a morning & an afternoon session. Each was about 20 minutes.

It felt pretty good. Lots of support from people emailing me to tell me how they liked that I’m not checking email (and they noted this irony). Some business stuff. Kinda liberating to jot off quick responses & not dilly-dally while writing them.

The diary entry goes on for NINE pages, nearly all of it obsessing about TBC. The lack of emailing and blogging redirects me to the paper diary, I suppose. Also, I talked with another internet-addicted friend on the phone and warned her she might have to check my email for me if things got desperate.

On Friday I’ll post the rest of the wrap-up.