When people talk about the relief they feel in “letting their hair down” I frown in confusion. For me, relief comes from putting it up, getting it out of the way. Off my neck, away from my ears and forehead.

This came up at a play-date yesterday, and I was relieved to find that I’m not alone in this. I’m not what anyone would call a “hair person.” Once in a blue moon (perhaps less often) I wear my hair down. For about thirty minutes. After which time, in desperation/irritation, I throw it back up into a ponytail/bun/scarf/hat. While reading some parenting magazine I came across a short article on how to liven up your hairstyle so that you’re not wearing “the mom ponytail.” I was a little irritated. I had the mom ponytail going before I was even thinking about children. I don’t think I even knew children existed until after I’d perfected the mom ponytail.

Husband liked my hair long, so I didn’t cut it for awhile…like, eight years. I should also mention that he threatened to let his hair grow out if I cut mine, effectively killing any short-haircut plans I may have entertained. Finally I pointed out that my hair was pleasing no one. I wear it in a ponytail even in sleep – a loose ponytail that, when very long, I could throw past my shoulder on the pillow, sometimes smacking Husband with it at night. Totally an accident. Really.

As I was saying. Since I sleep in a ponytail, keep my hair in a bun all day, every day, the only person to see it down most days is Z. I leave it down to air dry. That’s it. So I finally had a few inches cut off, bringing it to just below my shoulders. I think I lost at least three pounds just from losing that hair.

My friend L, a hairstylist, performed the cut. She did a fabulous job. Sadly, I am still not up to the task of doing anything with my hair. It’s a wavy blond mop that sits in a twisted little sphere at the top of my crown most days, and fluffs out behind me in a Hermione-Granger-esque ponytail when I’m feeling adventurous.

I’m starting to feel desperate. Ann Lamott got dreadlocks because she couldn’t deal with her hair, and I’m thinking that’s a possibility. Or maybe a buzz cut? So, so tempting.

Fantasy Hairstyle Wish List:

1. No flatiron required.

2. Wash, air dry, look fabulous.

3. Off my neck, away from my face.

4. Makes me look ten pounds lighter. (This is a fantasy.)

5. Helps me be a better mother/wife/person.

6. Does the dishes on its own while I sit on the couch reading a good book.

7. Cures writer’s block. All-around inspiring.

8. Magically prevents whining within a 3-mile radius. My own whining excepted, of course. Otherwise, how could I write this blog?