Anita Renfroe had the right idea when she created “Momisms” and sang it to the tune of the William Tell Overture. The problem is her song condenses everything, so we can’t use it in place of real parenting. Which got me thinking: I could totally use a Parenting Soundtrack (patent pending) to get me through the days where it’s just me and Z. I’d be free to read another book, or think about the plot of my current manuscript. She’d be free to ignore me (which she often does anyway). We’d be happy as clams.

See how happy we are?

Here we have a demonstration of the Parenting Soundtrack “Fine Dining.” Other available soundtracks include:

• Pleasant Potty Training: “Pee and poop go in the potty!”
• The Great Outdoors: “Run as fast as you can! Burn off that energy before naptime!”
• Beautiful Bedtime Routines: “You may choose two stories and two songs.”
• Responsible Clean-up: featuring that all-time favorite “Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere!”
• Fantastic Freeplay: “Be gentle! It’s good to share.”
• For Parents of Two or More: “I give up. The bigger one gets her way.”

As soon as she wakes up, I’m going to get started on recording. My studio? Wherever it is I find myself needing to remind my daughter of the rules. So I guess that’s the kitchen, dining room, bathroom, family room, the backyard, the car, the grocery store…