Let’s just assume it is normal for a writer to have her characters talking inside her head. I’m not saying this happens to me…okay, fine, it does. But it’s usually limited to conversations between the characters within a single book. Awhile ago I got to wondering what would happen if my various main characters met each other and compared notes on how I’m treating them.
This probably won’t be funny to anyone except me. And that’s okay. If I can’t entertain myself, what’s the point of doing this anymore?
July 2012
INT. A TRAVELING PET SPA
Amalia, a privileged witch, smiles smugly at Ari, a teen entrepreneur from a working-class background.
AMALIA
I suppose you’ll have to wait a little while longer for your story to be revised.
ARI
What? But…but she promised.
AMALIA
Well, my story’s further along. It takes priority.
ARI
You sanctimonious little b–
August 2012
EXT. FLOODED WAR ZONE OUTSIDE STONE CITY WALLS
Amalia skips past, wielding a flaming ball of magicky something-or-other.
AMALIA
Never mind. My book’s done now!
ARI
FINALLY. It’s my turn!
January 2013
EXT. SMALL-TOWN CITY HALL
Ari’s shaking her fist at the miniature dog fountain when Annie shows up with a surfboard. Annie leans her surfboard against the dog fountain, which promptly tips over.
ANNIE
Hi!
ARI
Who are you?
ANNIE
I’m Annie. I’m in the next project.
ARI
What is it with the A names?
ANNIE
I don’t know about you, but my name totally fits me and my time period. I’m historical.
ARI
Actually you’re a little too present, cutting in to my time. I should be completely revised at this point.
ANNIE
It’s not my fault your story’s unmarketable and weird.
ARI
Unmarketable? Unmarketable? Oh, I guess you’d know all about that, Miss Historical-Novel-In-Verse.
ANNIE
At least I’m not completely wackadoodle. And I don’t hit people.
ARI
I don’t hit people. Much. Besides, you hit someone!
ANNIE
Yes, but my reasoning was dark and dramatic. Yours is because you feel like it.
ARI
I kinda feel like it now. Come a little closer.
October 2013
EXT. BALMY HAWAIIAN BEACH, MONSTER WAVES IN BACKGROUND
ANNIE
I’m nearly in draft 3 and she’s still going strong!
ARI
(sobs) I’m in Draft 480 and she still isn’t done with me!
END
Beth Hull 
Okay, I think this is hysterical!!!!! And what IS it with A names???
Maybe I look for names in a baby name dictionary, start with A, & read until I find one I like? 🙂
Good technique. I’ll have to try that.
That’s actually not what I do at all, Pat! The names just pop into my head, although I’ve used baby name books for supporting characters. A reverse baby name book is pure gold. Scrivener has a name generator as well, & you can search for names that have specific meanings.
Ha ha! (that’s big laughter) Okay, you really know your characters, Beth! I think you should send this to the New Yorker immediately.
If only I could transfer that knowledge to their stories a little better, I’d be set!
OMG, Beth–what a concept! Totally see it! Love the way your mind works. Here’s mine:
Shea: He’s after me–what do I do? He knows I saw him kill her.
Paige: Big deal. At least your not sitting in a nut house jacked up on crazy pills.
Shea: You got a point.
Oooh, let’s have a party and dress up like our protagonists!:)
You so funny, QS. (And I’m digging your new Spirograph border.)
A protagonist party! I love it! It’s even better if we dress up like an unpublished protagonist, because then we can talk about them. Sounds like a great improv exercise, & might even open up new dimensions in our characters. We should take this act on the road, QS!
PS: Glad you like the border! I wanted to play with the customization feature, & I LOVE color. 🙂
Hahaha, this was hilarious. You need to pick some middle names, like M next. You like the extremes. 🙂
My next character’s name starts with N! Hooray!