Author: Beth Hull

The Baker’s Dozen Auction

Posted on by Beth Hull

Today, you can head on over to Miss Snark’s First Victim’s blog and see the 60 winning entries for her annual Baker’s Dozen contest. Why should you do this?

Because mine is one of the winning entries.

The entry is the log line for the story and the first 250 words. Which is really not a whole lot of words. You can say nice things about mine, and about the other winning entries. You can also offer (constructive) criticism and feedback.

This is the second year Miss Snark’s First Victim (also known as “Authoress”) has offered the contest. A very basic description is that after the entries are posted, agents can bid on them by number of pages they’d like to see, up to a full manuscript. Bids are not guaranteed, but it’s kind of cool (okay, fine, awesome) to be included and have even a chance at a bid. The bidding won’t start until Tuesday, December 6th, giving me plenty of time to stress and obsess and hyperventilate in the meantime.

Please distract me.

For my entry, you can click here. Then you can scroll ALLLLLLL the way down to the “archives” section of Authoress’s blog and see the other entries’ genres, titles, and links.

For a description of some of the logistics and a list of the participating agents,  editors, & authors, click here.

For distracting me in my time of need, click here for my contact page to send me jokes. Or tweet them, or email them, or waft them over with smoke signals.

By the way, I must also say that although I haven’t participated in the comments on Authoress’s blog yet, I have absolutely loved reading all the support given to winners and nonwinners alike, from the amazing community of people who frequent her blog.

Maggie over at Maggie Madly Writing has already given me a great little distractor by awarding me with the Liebster Blog Award, given to bloggers with fewer than 200 followers. Thanks, Maggie! If you’re in the “Blogs I Heart” category (see my home page for the list), and you have fewer than 200 followers, consider yourself nominated.

14 Irritants

Posted on by Beth Hull

This post would best be read aloud in the voice of Slappy Squirrel from Animaniacs. (If you don’t know Slappy, spend a little time on youtube getting acquainted with her. Here’s a place to start.)

Things that irritate me about myself

  1. I am easily irritated (Homes said, about ten years ago, “Your capacity for tolerating things that bother you is so low, it boggles the mind.” Obviously these words have stuck with me, if I’m quoting them ten years later.)
  2. I can’t seem to pass by a mirror without looking at myself. No, I am not enamoured of my own beauty. I don’t know why I do this, I just do
  3. when I get emotional and/or illogical during an argument
  4. my impatience in the kitchen, which translates to the same boring food options when I’m alone, like quesadillas, leftovers, sandwiches, and other things that take less than two minutes to prepare
  5. when I read/hear certain nouns like “doctor,” “fireman,” “judge,” or “medical examiner,” and automatically envision a man, not a woman
  6. the endless obsessing I’m capable of in regards to writing, exercising, dieting, and anything else that concerns just me
  7. my intense and undeniable need to have a good chunk of time to myself on a weekly, if not a daily, basis

Outside things that irritate me

  1. hearing only the bass portion of any song (I’m talking to you, people across the street!)
  2. yappy dogs
  3. listening to people who don’t like their jobs talk about their jobs (unless they can find the humor, ridiculousness, and/or grace in the situation – then this exercise is a learning opportunity)
  4. being stuck in a meeting or get-together where one person takes over the conversation, essentially turning everyone else into an unwilling audience
  5. commercials and advertisements
  6. door-to-door salespeople (Girl Scouts selling cookies excepted)
  7. telemarketers, mosquitos, and any song I hear played more than twice a day on a single radio station (okay, that was three in one, but I’m trying to keep this list to 14)

I think that now, being pregnant, is a good time to post such a list, because I can blame my bitchiness on pregnancy hormones. But really, these things always bother me and always have and probably always will.

While proofreading this, I realized that each of the seven “outside” irritants is auditory-related, with the exception of print advertisements, and maybe door-to-door salespeople who are mimes. Sensitive ears, I guess. What irritates you? And do you tend to be irritated more by things you see, or hear, or something else? Feel free to vent below, as long as it isn’t “I’m irritated by blog posts that are self-absorbed rants about things which irritate the blogger.”

Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers

Posted on by Beth Hull

This book is awesome! Sorry to give you the bottom line first, but, well, there it is.

The set-up: The year is…a long time ago. 1845 (just cheated on Amazon.com). The place, Brittany, which is still as yet independent of France. Ismae, a daughter of the god Mortain (also called St. Mortain, the god of Death) has been abused by her father her whole life, until a mysterious convent takes her in. She trains to be an assassin, skilled in the arts of death.

Main character’s goals: Ismae’s assassin skills are required at court, where she must discover who is betraying the Duchess. And, of course, mete out a swift vengeance. Ismae needs to work with hottie Gavriel Duval, but her convent suspects him of treachery. Of course, because he is a hottie, Ismae begins to fall for him, and her secondary goals change throughout the course of the story.

My reaction: LaFevers has done so much that I want to do with my own manuscript! And she makes it look easy! So I’m jealous and impressed at the same time. Plus just plain entertained. The love-hate relationship between Ismae and Gavriel is wonderful, as is her character arc over the course of the story, and the doubts she begins to have about…ahem…certain things (no spoilers!).

Of interest to writers: Again, that character arc. Also, that relationship between Ismae and Gavriel – when is it NOT a good idea to pit the goals of the heroine directly against the goals of the romantic interest? Answer: never. Their conflict is so rich, and their attraction so great, it’s just yummy.

Bottom line: I already said it above. It’s awesome. Good news: it’s the first in a trilogy. It appears the second book features a heroine who is not Ismae, but she sounds just as fascinating and possibly even more complex.

You can click here to read the first chapter on Amazon.

Reminds me of: Graceling by Kristin Cashore

Again with the random bits.

Posted on by Beth Hull

I am topic-less. So. Once again, a Friday Five!

1. Pregnancy update. I can feel the baby move now, and I’m getting BIGGER and BIGGER. I see the size as a mixed blessing. On one hand, being humongous has never appealed to me, and already I’m having an awkward time trying to give myself more room to slide sideways through the sliding glass door while keeping a ready foot for Clarkie in case she tries to make a break for it. Also on that same hand, I’ve started grunting every time I bend to pick something up, try to zip my non-maternity jeans, or tie my shoes. Or roll over in bed. On the other hand, at least now I am starting to look pregnant and not just overweight. Status of belly button (because this is important): it’s still an Innie.

2. Because I entered a past manuscript we shall never speak of again in the Amazon Breakout Novel contest a couple of years ago, I had a free proof copy from Createspace (Amazon’s self-publisher). So I uploaded a recent draft of le manuscript and made my manuscript into a BOOK! Not only is it nifty seeing it in book form, with a cover & everything (even an ISBN, which is pointless, if you ask me, because this copy isn’t going anywhere), but my printer’s broken and so this saved me from imposing on friends and/or shelling out dinero to get my printer fixed.

3. Husband will no longer be nicknamed “Husband” on this blog. For awhile now, I’ve been calling him “Homes.” As in, “True dat, Homes,” and “I don’t think so, Homes.” I am not sure where this came from, but it has stuck. Sometimes I picture the word as “Holmes” in my head, giving him a Sherlockian air. Does this make me Watson? I did read an essay once, an argument that Watson was actually a woman, so I guess it could work.

4. I cooked! Our CSA box has been heavy on the leafy greens lately. Other than salad, I don’t know what to do with these things. So I actually put forth the effort required to A) look up recipes and B) buy ingredients and C) try not to hyperventilate while operating the stove. Result: Hot Wok Bok Choy (say that five times fast) last week, and Collard Greens Sauteed with Garlic this week. And baked potatoes. I’d never baked a potato in my life. Decided to consult multiple sources – Homes, my mom, and the Better Homes cook book. I don’t know what potato out there can finish baking in 40 minutes, but it wasn’t mine, so we had dinner late that night.

5. Enjoyed a Thanksgiving feast put on by Z’s preschool class today. The kids even had cute little placemats and napkin rings they’d made. Food was delicious; I could have easily eaten six plates full. Should have gone back for more mashed potatoes and roast potatoes. There is something about the Glorious Potato right now that has me wanting them. All the time. That and loaves of soft Pugliese bread from the Nugget and tubs of hummus. If I don’t stop rhapsodizing about food now, I don’t think I ever will. So. The end.

I won’t be updating the blog next week, so have a great Thanksgiving! I hope your car rides are shorter than mine!

I Kinda Miss the Little Monster

Posted on by Beth Hull

It’s been said before. In fact, I say it all the time: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And I know I just dreamed of quiet, with lots of time to myself, the kind I used to have B. Z. (Before Z). But it’s really quiet.

And when she comes home, she doesn’t necessarily want to hang out with me. It could be she’s burnt out from being around people at school all day. Or I’m just not fun. (Maybe both.) Or she really missed her toys. Yes, that’s it. She does love having adventures with her imaginary friends.

8:15 to 3:15 makes a long day. And I’m typing away, being all productive and so on. Even cleaned the shower this morning!

Well, whatever nostalgia I’m feeling now will surely end next week. No school at all, plus what I’m sure will be a perfectly lovely, without-any-tantrums six-hour drive to my grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. And then, two days later, the six-hour drive back home.

So, forget all the above. I’m going to enjoy this quiet. No more naps! I need to stay awake and hear how quiet it is.