This post would best be read aloud in the voice of Slappy Squirrel from Animaniacs. (If you don’t know Slappy, spend a little time on youtube getting acquainted with her. Here’s a place to start.)

Things that irritate me about myself

1. I am easily irritated (Homes said, about ten years ago, “Your capacity for tolerating things that bother you is so low, it boggles the mind.” Obviously these words have stuck with me, if I’m quoting them ten years later.)
2. I can’t seem to pass by a mirror without looking at myself. No, I am not enamoured of my own beauty. I don’t know why I do this, I just do
3. when I get emotional and/or illogical during an argument
4. my impatience in the kitchen, which translates to the same boring food options when I’m alone, like quesadillas, leftovers, sandwiches, and other things that take less than two minutes to prepare
5. when I read/hear certain nouns like “doctor,” “fireman,” “judge,” or “medical examiner,” and automatically envision a man, not a woman
6. the endless obsessing I’m capable of in regards to writing, exercising, dieting, and anything else that concerns just me
7. my intense and undeniable need to have a good chunk of time to myself on a weekly, if not a daily, basis

Outside things that irritate me

1. hearing only the bass portion of any song (I’m talking to you, people across the street!)
2. yappy dogs
3. listening to people who don’t like their jobs talk about their jobs (unless they can find the humor, ridiculousness, and/or grace in the situation – then this exercise is a learning opportunity)
4. being stuck in a meeting or get-together where one person takes over the conversation, essentially turning everyone else into an unwilling audience
5. commercials and advertisements
6. door-to-door salespeople (Girl Scouts selling cookies excepted)
7. telemarketers, mosquitos, and any song I hear played more than twice a day on a single radio station (okay, that was three in one, but I’m trying to keep this list to 14)

I think that now, being pregnant, is a good time to post such a list, because I can blame my bitchiness on pregnancy hormones. But really, these things always bother me and always have and probably always will.

While proofreading this, I realized that each of the seven “outside” irritants is auditory-related, with the exception of print advertisements, and maybe door-to-door salespeople who are mimes. Sensitive ears, I guess. What irritates you? And do you tend to be irritated more by things you see, or hear, or something else? Feel free to vent below, as long as it isn’t “I’m irritated by blog posts that are self-absorbed rants about things which irritate the blogger.”